DISCARDED

What is this that pulls against my chest?
Twisting with each breath, 
with each beat
I cringe with leaking eyes
praying not to lose myself

Vile burns my veins
blood turns to ash
I let out an agonizing scream
to shake my heart
to scare it into stopping this madness
Inviting darkness and murder
will only bury us further in this personal hell

I breathe deep...
in heavy highs and painful lows
and wait for the demon to subside
But hope goes away on its own
for no one can out run the truth
Broken hearts never mend

So in tears...
in blood...
my heart...
and I...
will forever be dead.

GOOD OR BAD

God, his plans, and Satan's snares

play our souls like dice

We live for heaven in this hell

with odds that keep changing

Even saints have no answer

as to why one should rise

and another should fall

Look at a mother with child

Her heart a naked burden

Fear of the unknown

keeps her guessing at the darkest hour

One can only ask God for that much

the rest is up to a game with fate

Going from here to the grave

Clocks keep chiming

drawing cracks in weak souls

We dust our acts by the second

breaking our backs for a legacy

hoping our end is not now

because no one knows if

they've earned a good name

in the eyes of God.

TO STRANGE MIRACLES

To give back

To love more

To shadow the rain from your eyes

To smile in the morning sun

To go a distance

To folk tales around camp fires

To ignite all that you touch

To accept new beginnings

To laugh until you’re breathless

To paint your toes

To crazy pranks

To hold hands with best friends

To bungee over that edge

To interesting gossip

To see your breath in the cold

To proclaim your love

To discover foreign lands

To understand loss

To a nice breeze

To aim for the top

To run through sprayed perfume

To forgiveness

To creativity

To a trusted guide dog

To win a competition

To see the world from the edge

To kiss under fireworks

To walk in another’s shoes

To watch the clock

To great music

To kind neighbours

To blow out candles

To sail away

To swing your feet

To breathe deeply

To follow your dreams

To run to a rescue

To go down on one knee

To know enough is enough

To enjoy a meal

To long conversations

To soul searching

To pure wine

To inside jokes

To family reunions

To long hugs

To sing along

To feel beautiful

To brain freeze

To new faces

To be strong

To be free

To invisible friends

To doing more

To silent journeys

To strange miracles

STILL FIGHTING IT

This could have been a love song

But you’re tossing and turning

I’m barely hanging on

The truth is…

Time can’t heal us

At least you’re a persistent

with your empty ways

I’m just one more casualty

I didn’t listen to caution

I fell like debris

I crashed in to your cold heart

thinking I was ‘that girl’

who could change you

show you that it’s okay to be happy

You would have given us a chance

if I had been more than just a phase

My mind read more in a simple gesture

You led me on

You lied to me

Now you’re breaking me

I’m raged,

I’m burned,

I’m lost,

But most of all…

I’ve learned

that I’m nothing

that you will forever fight it

that you will never feel deserving

that you’re so far gone

I could cut myself down

I could count my scars

from the delusion

that used to be us

I could set you free

I could leave you in peace

with your dead world

the only problem is…

I still believe in us

and it hurts too much.

LOST IN AN ECHO

I’m leaving for the end

I don’t know where I will find it

but I’m hell-bent to fight

I don’t care if I have

to wrestle the angles to the ground

or to look the devil in the eye

I will give it all that I have

for something to replace your dead heart

I walked with the darkness

wondering what awaited me

the yearning devoured my soul

to a sheer emptiness

That’s when you held my hand

I was as helpless as a child

You reminded me to look around

In that light,

you embraced me

you buffered my falls

you decided where all the pain went

And when I got well

We came out and saw the stars

We lived like it was the first time

smiling when the sun found us home

I wouldn’t have it any other way

In that life,

I held on hope, I breathed easy

I dreamed

Watching my newly found life

I didn’t want us to tear away

But my heart knows banishment

like a sailor knows the sea

I have been down the rabbit-hole

more than I can count

So I know you need someone too

You're lost in an echo

of what I used to be

I don’t know what I’m searching for

May be I’ve got it all wrong

but I know one thing for sure

I won’t come back empty handed

I will find you a phantom

to hang in your room while you sleep

to protect you from the monster

under your bed.

EVERYTHING IS LOST

I close my eyes and count one to ten
I pretend that all is okay
dragging myself to a common ground
I say those words that make me cry
Promises mean everything
to give me a glimpse of happiness
to give me a focal point
to keep me alive
Behind closed eyes
I can hang on for a better tomorrow
I can brush off misfortune
I can be everything
I want to be 
my will is in overdrive
I dream big
but when I open my eyes
It doesn't come easy
all I have left are dreams
It's like fighting the wind
the more I hope
the more it actually sucks
From where I'm standing
Everything is lost

RANDOM LINES

I'm going under
Like a virgin sacrifice,
I lay my body out
on a slaughtering board
.............................................
How do I know you're not far away?
I'm holding your hand
but I know you're not here
We've been pretending for so long
Tell me something
But I don't want you to answer
yet I want to know so badly
probably it will hurt less
Tell me the day you fell out of love with me
Please don't say
I will just hurt more
I need you here
I need you now
Let us return to our old times
like nothing happened
I will even use this broken glass
to write your name across my heart
across every part of me.
I want you here
You can't leave me.
.......................................................................
Hey Valentine over there
are you going to mend my heart?
You said you wouldn't want to see me heart broken
but what's this pain tightening in my chest?
Now I'm running blindfold
like a fool I shout against love
Because of you I'm down again
like you're eyes were close when you
when you promised me forever.
I need to run out of here
go anywhere else but near you
I need to find my peace to live
to lick my wound dry
......................................................
What am I looking for?
This earth is virtual
there's nothing real under the sun
I want to awaken from this inception
to see what my life is really like
In this space....
I chase dreams is grasping the wind
it provides me no hope
it permits me no optimistic isolations
of what I have and what I have to do
but abundantly grants me pain
...............................................................
Strange tides drew me to your shore
welcoming like the white sands under my feet
I bid myself to stay
to find I'm standing in your presence
He bid my heart rest well
I say whatever!
No one can tell me if we have heaven
No one can tell me if angels' tears are for me
.........................................................................
I'm a doll made of glass
owned by a careless child
She hold me by my neck
my feet scratching the floor
The ankles are gone
..................................................
Forget me like yesterday
because am just a speck of dust
just passing through

2012: A YEAR OF LIVING

2012,
you just crept in
I almost didn't see you
I had had such little hope in you
I had had such little zeal to live
I had actually not made any resolutions
but you showed me that
there's more to this than just the end

2012,
the year of the apocalypse
the year I lived
the year of party crashing
the year of pizza hunting
the year of taking risks
the year of first times
the year of death 
the year of babies
the year that almost sucked
the year I graduated
the year that rocked
the year of new hope
Good bye and good night.