YOUNGER

When I was younger

I caught my reflection in a broken window

I didn't like what I saw

It's not because the tropical midday sun was hell-sent to turn us into ash

It's not because my furrowed brow and sweat glistened forehead made me look severe

It's not because the size of my head to body at that age was lollipop-like

It's not because there was so much pain in my eyes

It's not because we were not allowed to cry

It's not because I was extremely hungry since the school had started forgetting to feed us 

It's not because my shoes were torn and had on stolen stockings

It's not because I had just received a lashing during the morning lesson 

It's not because my parents had missed visiting day  

It's not because I forgot to starch the uniform belt that it was more of a rope

It's not because I had broken up with my best friend

It's not because the other children in line kept pushing me to move but I was too lost in thought that they went ahead of me and I ended up getting a sugarless cup of burnt millet porridge 

It's not because I was having an existential crisis at eleven years old

When I was younger

I caught my reflection in a broken window

I didn't like what I saw

I fought to change it. 

FINDING MYSELF AGAIN AMONG THE PAGES

I started reading again

I started with a little ladybird book

and now I read books the size

of encyclopedias to no end

I read so much

I lose track of time

I lose track of existence itself

It has become my best pleasure 

I would rather stay indoors reading

than outdoors chasing the moonlight

It has opened a part of me I had forgotten 

a sense of right direction 

It locks me away from the chaos

It keeps the storms at bay

It's strange that the mere act of reading

has provided me a deep sense of self-discovery  

I didn't know I needed 

A sense of direction I thought I had lost. 

~Evelyn Nec

"One of my Twenty-Twenty resolutions is to write more this year."