I started writing because I loved to write
There was always something I wanted to jot down
Otherwise, I talked to myself and probably too
much
I started writing to give my active imagination
a base
and it was fun
Then my father passed
I started writing to not face life
I started writing to ease the pain
I started writing to give my mind some kind of
formation;
a level of control
an anchor to ground me
to save me
because I knew if I didn’t have somewhere to put
myself
I was going to lose me
I started writing to run away
For over a decade, the words worked like
hypnotic charms
My mind was in a constant hum
There was never a moment of silence
There was never a moment my mind was left to
wonder
There was never a moment my heart was permitted
to open
There was never a moment my soul searched for clarification
There was never a moment to accept help
There was never a moment to welcome healing
But most of all, there was never a moment to mourn
One day; somewhere five years ago,
I started hearing a chime of distant cathedral
bells
This new unfamiliar sound was tolerated at first
It never overshadowed my words
So, I didn’t see it come closer
It started keeping me awake one night
Then for four
as it became louder and louder
It became distractive
It became disruptive
It became destructive
Before I knew it,
I had lost sight of me
All my walls were broken
I was fragile
I was easy prey
and my words were nowhere to be found
A lot happens in silence
The silence heard me cry for two years straight
The silence showed me that it was time to heal
It was about time to heal properly
It was about time to let go
It was about time to take footsteps forward
It was about time I stopped standing in my own
way
But most of all, it was about time I mourned
It’s been two and half years since I last cried
Since my tears dissolved the ink in my diary
Since I woke up heaving with pain, anger, and
frustration
Since I couldn’t bring myself to do any activity
of daily living
Since I had a hard talk with myself
Since I took back the reigns of my life
Since I started walking and before I knew it, I
was running
Since I started talking to my family about how I
felt
Since I realized I was not alone
Just like that when I wasn’t listening
When the silence had become a wonderful
companion
My words came flooding back
But this time in beautiful melodies
This was the sound of happiness
My imagination got its groove back
I started writing again for fun
I started writing again because I love to write.
