CHOOSE ME

Choose me...
I know the code to your safe
just in case you intend on leaving me broke;
I hate football but will watch the matches with you
keeping in mind that you watch with me all reality shows and cartoons;
Her boobies may be big and round but mine are small and firm
so you will never feel flaps of skin when age makes us grow fonder;
I won't pretend to love your dog because I find bulldogs uuuuugggggllllyyyy.

Choose me...
I don't do sports but I will support you on your gym visits
on condition that you go shopping with me
coz that's the sport I do best;
Her IQ may be high but I don't need that much to sustain a conversation;
She is a vegan but carnivores are happier!!!
I don't do mummy meaning I don't cook, no laundry, no tea-parties and birthdays
coz I know how to satisfy a man without enslaving myself.

Choose me...
I am dishonest so get to know that a few lies
keep the divorce attorney away;
I have no nagging relatives so don't except me to hurt my cheeks
just to smile at your mother;
Her skin may be fair and soft to touch
but I was made by God not by some surgeon in Beverly Hills;
I don't play monkey so don't expect me to speak in tongues
when we meet with your pastor.
I'm Jewish!

Choose me...
She wears tight clothes to keep you interested,
I wear baggy jeans and t-shirts to keep you guessing;
I will take responsibility for my wrongs meaning...
I will yell the roof off when you piss me off!
I will not hang on your hand like a tumor because
I have so many more important things to do;
Lastly, I'm the choice against all odds...
Choose me.