The first time we met
You glanced my way
Your smile broke through my barriers
I smiled back but you did not see it
A small intimate smile
I only keep for moments like these
Moments that were seldom seen
It was full-blown something at first meet
I never thought it was possible for me
I thought I was dead inside
I thought I was invisible until you
But I knew I had a choice to make
Being me and knowing me
I never choose myself
I knew I had to rip this off like a band-aid
I laid out the yellow brick road for you
I didn't want to waste each other's time
I didn't want to sit around
Playing games to a dead end
People like you do not chase people like me
I laid out my goodbyes in your final throws
A part of me hoped for more
But I had to kill it all
It was against your dreams
against your future without me
against your future without me
And I can't be selfish
So now I have to go
So now I have to go
I'm going back to my safe place
It's going to sting
It's going to strain me
But this is the only place I can breathe
Alone, unwanted, unloved, unbroken
I'm reopening those familiar scars
Letting the rot embrace me
Its foul stench so intoxicating
So welcoming...
~Evelyn Nec
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